Walk On...

 Sometimes, I like to look at my life as a journey. There have been highs and there have been lows. I have been to the top of Mount Doom, but I have also been to the top of Mount Crumpit.

One thing these highs and lows have in common is that it's all been about the journey.

The destination was never the goal, well, not really. In ways, yes it was, but, life is nothing if it is not about the journey because if it were what would you do once you reached your destination?

I have spent the past 23 years of my life happily being a mom. Not just a mom, but, a homeschool mom, which means I am always on.

There are no real sick days.

There are no snow days because the bus cannot come pick up my children due to weather. 

And there are no half days for parent teacher conferences, although, I have truly considered taking myself out one day a year as a reward, but, thought it might be odd if I were to talk to myself about how my children were progressing 😏

Homeschooling is also a journey. It can be a huge daunting task at the beginning. But, for those who are in it for the long haul, we just plod along, sowing our seeds one day at a time, one year at a time, hoping the fruit will come in time. 

Educating your children at home, or hey, just having children in general is a slippery slope at times. 

In the early years, you feel like if you have to watch one more episode of Blues Clues, your head may actually explode. But, then without any warning your kids don't want to watch Blues Clues anymore and you miss it 😕 You never thought you would, but, you do.  I still miss some of the little kid shows we watched together. And for the record, Blues Clues was much better with Steve, not Joe, but, I digress.

This sudden change up in your lives continues to happen and before you know it you have adult children. Wow, that really sounds like an oxymoron...adult children. That's what they are. They are slowly spreading their wings and learning to fly on their own, at their own pace, with less help from me. I am more of a mentor or guide as you will.

Think of me like Sam Gamgee. I am there when they need me, but, I cannot solve their problems for them.

So, that is where life is at the moment with 2.5 of my sons. I have one that has one year left in my homeschool before he fledges out in the world as well.

Like Blues Clues, I didn't see it coming...at all. I think with much ado in the past six years and all of the loss, I just kept swimming. 

Kept plodding along...I think I can, I think I can, and I did. 

This is a very strange part of my life, not knowing what to do next. I have always had an idea of what to do. Keep doing the next right thing, right? 

But, what now, what is the next right thing?

I don't feel that this is something that is homeschool mom specific, but, every mom. Moms all over must be going through this empty nest phase of life and trying their best to find their next right thing, right?

There should be more groups or at least a book on this. Lord knows, there are so many books on pregnancy and how to raise your child.

Someone should write a book on what to do once you've completed that part of your life.

Maybe I should think about that, or at least check it out!

So, this is where I am today, confused and trying to make myself take time to think about what my next right thing should be.

I have been thinking of many things...

like writing, which I really want to do 

and reading more, which I also want to do, but, somehow the writing thing takes away from the reading.

and water coloring and nature journaling. I would love to do these too, but, I feel that if I spread myself too thin (which I tend to do if you've not noticed this pattern), then I will wind up giving up on it all.

I have to find the right balance between being busy and being happy. I need to find out what lights me up and sparks joy and do that. 

Go all in on that and see where it leads because it is all about the journey, not the destination.

So, for now, I just walk on...